HOW TO BE POP STARS BY MISTAKE...
1. Call yourselves
the Age Of Chance
"l like Prince.
He's great. He's a bit short though."
This is Age of Chance blabbering down the telephone about Prince, whose "Kiss" they've just released as a single in a rather peculiar and twisted form. It's a bit difficult to tell precisely who is blabbering what- Geoff (bass guitar), Neil (guitar) and Steve (singing) all talk at once and their blunt northern voices are virtually indistinguishable- the only member who doesn't say anything at all is drummer Jan, mainly because she's out shopping - apparently for some industrial drums to make some more of the very "sensitive" percussion sounds she specialises in. The three others meanwhile are busy explaining exactly why they decided to record such an eccentric version of "Kiss".
it down the disco." says one mystery voice, "and we all dance with
extreme prejudice so rather than having Prince doing his polite wine bar Hollywood
version we thought we'd do a kind of industrial version i.e. a lot harder
with a lot of metal sounds. Basically we just take a song and Age 0f Chance
So did they pop out and buy a record to copy from? No they ruddy well didn't, Rumour has it they just stole the words from Smash Hits...
"We didn't steal them exactly," objects one of them. "First we worked out the music because we all knew the record and then we kind of decided that the best way to work out what the lyrics were was to read Smash Hits. I think you could take that as some sort of endorsement."
"No," snaps another voice "jokingly", "we get paid for endorsements. "
"Yes, ' agrees the first voice, "speak to our lawyer about that."
These days Age Of Chance joke about "speaking to lawyers" and "making money" rather a lot, probably because after recording three independent singles (two of their own songs, "Motor City" and "Bible Of The Beats", and then "Kiss") they've just got themselves a big fat record contract, though they're rather coy about the details.
We want to be like Michael Jackson- start keeping llamas in our bathroom and have our eyelids tattooed," says one of them. And on they go…
"I want to
put a deposit on the Indian Ocean."
Quite. It's quite
hard getting them to be serious even for a moment. But what are they really
"Are we the
most important group ever?" they debate.
And so on. In between they explain that they come from Leeds and have been together for two years, that they used a lot of noises from the iron foundry beneath the recording studio when they made "Kiss" but they won't say exactly what.
"It's like you can never find the ingredient X that makes Coca Cola or Kentucky Fried Chicken or Cadbury's Chocolate. We're like those only a bit nicer. Like Uncle Joe's mintballs - what makes them so minty?"
Quite. And with that they criticise Smash Hits for a bit ("it should be more messy- we want our photo really blotchy"), murmur something about actually being very serious and rather left wing, then they burst into giggles again and demand to be asked "something really stupid". But of course…
Have you ever
thought you were a city centre?
Do you do your
Have you ever
been abseiling with Gyles Brandreth?